Warrior Is – Season 1: Teach Me to Live, Teach Me to Breathe

121: The Greater Good

Xena had been in worse situations than lying on the dusty floor of Salmoneus’ factory in her shift with poison numbing her legs, but it was hard to think of them right now. The worst part was how terrified Gabrielle was at the thought of donning her armour and riding into a warlord’s camp. Xena had thought bringing up Gabrielle’s childhood pony would lighten the mood, perhaps help her feel more confident before having to ride off on Argo and impersonate her. She winced as it brought up painful memories instead.

“I thought he would get better, but… it’s just what happens with things that you love.” Gabrielle’s eyes met hers. The meaning behind her words ran like a current between them. Xena desperately wanted to promise that she’d be alright, that she would get better. But she knew better than to lie to Gabrielle. The truth was that she had no idea how strong of a dose had been applied to the poison dart. She trusted her body to fight most things off, but she couldn’t deny she felt a flicker of fear.

“Gabrielle.” Pleased to find she still had movement in her arms, she reached out and placed a hand on Gabrielle’s shoulder. “I’ll be here when you get back.” She couldn’t promise what state she’d be in, but she could at least swear to be here. Gabrielle nodded and gave a quiet sniffle. Xena wasn’t sure if she was still thinking about her pony, or if the tears were for her. She decided it didn’t matter, and took Gabrielle’s hand in both of her own. Giving it a small squeeze, she met Gabrielle’s eyes. “You can do this.”

After Gabrielle had left, Xena finally took stock of her body. Her feet were completely numb, but she could still shift her thighs, crawl if she had to. Her arms were still fine, though her fingers tingled unpleasantly. Her vision wasn’t swirling anymore, but things felt too bright, and the beams of sunlight shining into the factory seared her eyes and made her head pound. So far her heart and breathing were still regular. A good sign. She couldn’t get up and fight, but she could certainly holler orders to Salmoneus and his people, making sure they were ready for Talmadeus’ counter attack.

It was a surprisingly short time before she heard the telltale thudding of Argo’s canter on the road leading to the factory. She cursed herself for not having asked the villagers to move her cot closer to the door, so she could see what was going on. Too late now: they were all in position with their makeshift weapons. She heaved herself off the cot. She wondered for a moment if she might be able to stand and stagger to the door so she could lay eyes on Gabrielle, but her immovable calves let her know it wasn’t going to happen. And so, she crawled. It was humiliating, to be dragging herself along the dusty floor in nothing but her shift, chakram clenched in one fist. She ignored the sympathetic gazes of the positioned villagers as she finally reached the door, creaking it open and leaning out, ready to throw her chakram if Gabrielle needed it. Despite the agonizingly slow journey to the door, her timing was good.

“This is your last warning!” Gabrielle was shouting, brandishing her wooden barrel lid as menacingly as she could. Xena readied herself, and when Gabrielle let loose her charming attempt at a battle cry, Xena threw her chakram with all the strength she had left, willing it to follow the intended path. As the soldiers staggered under the water from the hose she had severed, the villagers came barrelling forward. Exhausted, Xena smiled and dragged herself back into the safety of the factory.

Time seemed to stop for Gabrielle when Salmoneus seized her shoulders, preventing her from running any further into the factory after the fighting, blocking Xena’s cot from view. She paused, waiting for him to explain, but she didn’t need it. The look in his eyes said it all. She searched his face frantically. No.

“No.” It was half plea, half disbelief. She took a step back, looking to the villagers, looking for someone to tell her it wasn’t true. They all avoided her gaze. A numbness swept over her, like she was being swallowed whole. The quiet rustling and shifting rang strangely in her ears as the villagers parted to let her through. A cot bearing a body, covered in a thick gray cloth, came into view. Gabrielle swayed where she stood. No one stepped forward to steady her.

As if in a dream, she drifted towards the cot, heart hammering in her chest. Part of her felt so sure that when she pulled back the cloth, it would be someone else. Surely there was a mistake, surely Xena’s body wouldn’t be here, still and lifeless. Though she could feel the scratchy weight of the blanket in her fist, she seemed to watch from outside herself as she drew it back, revealing the figure beneath.

It was strange to see Xena so peaceful. Even when she slept, there was an ever-present tiny frown on Xena’s face, small twitches in her face and arms that betrayed the constant vigilance prickling just beneath her skin, always a moment away from waking. The stillness and relaxation in her face was almost foreign to Gabrielle. She knelt slowly, placing her arms on the edge of the cot and resting her chin on them.

Xena was breathtaking, even in death. Gabrielle slowly drew her hand over the familiar statuesque planes of her face, threaded her fingers through her dark hair, arranging it delicately across Xena’s collarbone. She looked and looked and looked, not wanting to tear her eyes away. Gabrielle sniffled, and had the ridiculous thought that she did not want to cry in front of Xena. Wiping her nose, she leaned forward and placed a kiss to the corner of Xena’s mouth. She tried to put as much tenderness and fondness into the farewell as possible. She pressed her forehead to Xena’s and breathed deeply, half-expecting Xena’s body to mimic her breath and gasp for air. Robes rustled as Salmoneus came up behind her. She knew she did not want to hear whatever it was he had to say.

“There’s nothing we can do here. We’ve got to get out of here.” Gabrielle was right. She did not want to hear it. Anger burned inside her. She swept to her feet, looking around the factory, trying to see it the way Xena would see it. She gave her orders, doing her best to insert Xena’s stern and confident air into them, and marched out the door, snatching her staff from Argo’s saddle as she went.

Gabrielle did not make it very far into the woods before the weight of everything came crashing down on her. Xena was gone. Xena was dead. She was completely, irreversibly alone. Useless, practical thoughts bombarded her. What was she going to do about Talmadeus? How was she going to protect the village? How would she carry Xena’s body all the way to Amphipolis? What would she do with Argo? And from beneath each overwhelming task rose a wave of despair so strong she was certain she was going to be swept away.

She screamed, swinging her staff blindly. Sobs were wrenched from her throat as she battered the trees again and again. Her hands shook, the staff bent dangerously, and she screamed and screamed and screamed until her body gave out. Sinking to the ground, she pressed a trembling hand to her forehead. Focus, focus, focus. Time passed. Gabrielle did not know how long she sat there, just that Xena would have gotten back up. She jumped when she felt something big and warm press against her ear. Looking up, she found Argo’s velvet nose nuzzling her softly. Her heart broke all over again. She reached out and took careful hold of Argo’s headstall.

“We’re all that’s left of her, huh girl? Just you and me now.” Argo nudged her under her chin, and she staggered up, one hand still around the strap of the bridle. “I’ll come back for you,” she whispered. “Be here when I do, okay?” She pressed a kiss to Argo’s nose, squared her shoulders, and turned towards the path.

122: Callisto

In the days since Xena’s miraculous return from the dead, Gabrielle watched her carefully. She insisted on frequent breaks and heartier meals, and tonight, on the road to Delphi, forced Xena into a roadside tavern. She was aware that Xena was thoroughly fed up with this type of treatment, but it didn’t deter her.

“You died, Xena. Stop acting like this is a huge overreaction.”

“It is a huge overreaction,” Xena protested. Gabrielle shushed her and knocked on the bartop to call for the innkeeper. In a few minutes, she had bartered a night in a room above the tavern in exchange for a couple of stories. She ushered Xena up the stairs. Xena rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, Gabrielle, I promise. The after-effects of the poison wore off days ago.” Gabrielle ignored her and unlocked the door to their room. Xena heaved their saddlebags onto the floor. Gabrielle busied herself getting a fire started in the dusty hearth.

“Are you hungry?” she asked, once the flames were crackling softly. “Shall I go get us some dinner, or would you rather go to sleep?”

“Gabrielle.” Xena seated herself on the edge of the bed and put her face in her hands.

“What is it? Headache?” Gabrielle stepped forward, ready to place her hands on Xena’s temples, as Xena had done so often for her. She had no idea how pressure points worked, but was willing to give it a try. Xena seized her by the wrists.

“Gabrielle, sit down.” She pulled Gabrielle gently, and she sat next to Xena on the bed, concern etched in every line on her face. “Listen. I appreciate everything you’re doing, but things can’t stay like this forever. What are you afraid of?” Gabrielle’s lip trembled for a moment, then she frowned.

“Wait. Are you trying to initiate a sensitive talk with me?”

Xena made an exasperated noise and collapsed backwards onto the mattress. “The key word here is ‘trying’,” she sighed. Gabrielle smiled softly.

“I guess I got a glimpse into what the world would look like without you. I wasn’t keen on it. I don’t want anything like that to happen again.”

“And you hovering over me constantly is the way to make sure of that?” Xena propped herself up on her elbows. Gabrielle ran a hand through her hair and took a breath.

“Okay, I guess not.”

Xena sat up and took both of Gabrielle’s hands in hers. “I’m sorry I scared you,” she said. Her eyes met Gabrielle’s, clearly trying to soften her impossibly sharp gaze. “Next time I’m dying from poison, I’ll tell you.” Her lip twitched. Gabrielle didn’t smile. Instead, she tenderly placed a palm on Xena’s cheek.

“How about no more dying?” Her eyes searched Xena’s face. They laughed off an awful lot of things together, but this just didn’t feel like it could be one of them. Xena closed her eyes for a moment at her touch and let out a breath.

“Okay. But that goes for you too, all right? No dying.”

“No dying,” Gabrielle agreed. Her heart lightened for the first time in days. The sheer emptiness inside her after losing Xena had frightened her. It had yawned, massive and terrible inside her. Gabrielle had never felt anything like it. She’d been in danger many times before in her life. Between her adventures with Xena and her experiences in childhood when her father had had a bit too much drink, she was no stranger to feeling afraid. But the hours she had spent without Xena were filled with something else. It was an emptiness so complete, she had felt like she herself was dead. On top of the startling loneliness was the horrible creeping sensation that something terrible was going to happen, and she was powerless to stop it. She shuddered, shaking away the feeling and steadying herself on the sight of Xena in front of her.

“Let’s just go to sleep.” Xena seemed to be able to tell Gabrielle was not going to be up for much for the rest of the evening. She immediately stood and began removing her armour, setting each piece neatly and reverently aside before donning a sleeping shift. Gabrielle watched her as if in a trance, wanting to drink in every moment of the miracle that was a living, breathing Xena.

By the time Gabrielle had readied herself for bed, Xena was already on her back, fast asleep. Gabrielle smirked to herself. Xena loved to boast that she didn’t need creature comforts, that she could sleep on the ground just as well as she could sleep in a bed. And yet, any time she was presented with a soft mattress, she passed out almost immediately. Gabrielle climbed into the bed with her, laying on her side and staring at Xena’s profile. Images of Xena’s dead body in the same position flashed through her mind. She was sorely tempted to put her head on Xena’s chest, hear the heartbeat and feel the steady rise and fall of her breath. Xena’s unconscious mind must have sensed something because she let out a great snore and rolled over, back to Gabrielle. Gently, Gabrielle reached out and let her fingers brush Xena’s back, feeling the gentle expansion of her ribs as she breathed. Alive. Gabrielle thought to herself. She’s alive.

The next morning they went down to the tavern for breakfast. Xena had barely started on her first mug of ale before a man arrived, panicky and furious, calling himself Melas, and bringing news that his village had been destroyed by Xena, the Warrior Princess.

Xena had a lot of time to think as she slowly led the two horses back to Delphi, with Callisto trussed and astride Argo. It had been upsetting to learn that someone was committing crimes in her name, but truly horrifying to find out that Callisto had been one of her victims. She thought of Callisto’s slightly unhinged grin when she first laid eyes on Xena, as if they had a history. The “you made me” accusation had been confusing, until the mention of Cirra. A regular village, a raid that got out of hand, and the result an empty patch of earth, all buildings reduced to ash. It was a wonder Callisto survived, but it was not a wonder that she had become what she had.

The chase across the sand dunes in pursuit of Callisto had tired both her and Argo. Callisto was undoubtedly a good rider and a good fighter. She had a glint in her eyes that reminded Xena of her younger self, herself when she seduced Borias, when they were constantly challenging each other for the leadership of their army. It had been a game that was both thrilling and frightening at times. Callisto seemed to share that recklessness, that thoughtlessness, that belief that it did not matter if she lived or died, only that she did what she wanted. Xena knew how to fight someone like that only because that had once been her. Still, there was something about Callisto that unsettled her, that felt off-kilter.

“How did you catch it?” Xena asked. “My chakram, how did you catch it?” She’d never seen anyone do that before. By Xena’s understanding, the chakram was tuned to her alone, it would not fly properly for anyone else. It should have sliced through Callisto’s fingers when she reached out to pluck it from the air. Callisto only laughed, a high, sweet cackle that raised the hair on the back of Xena’s neck.

“What’s the matter, my dear? Afraid that you’re not as special as you thought you were?” Xena felt goosebumps rise on her flesh at the sound of the pet name. There was something sick and cloying about the way Callisto talked to her, like a jilted lover might. It made Xena’s skin crawl, the way she knew nothing about Callisto and Callisto seemed to know everything about her.

“No.” She kept her voice steady and cool. “Just curious, really.”

“Curious, curious,” Callisto said. “You know I was curious too once. I was curious about the Warrior Princess who murdered everyone I knew and loved in cold blood. I had to learn from you. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been watching you?”

Xena didn’t answer. In truth, no, she’d had no idea Callisto had been stalking her. Until the poison dart, there had never been any sign she was being tailed. The fact that she hadn’t noticed unnerved her to no end. Callisto seemed to guess.

“Oh yes, Xena. I’ve been training based on your techniques for a long time. Your style, your habits, your weaknesses. I knew that by the time we were face to face again, I wanted to be a worthy opponent.”

They walked in silence for a time as Xena turned this all over in her mind. So Callisto had been observing her for who knows how long, undetected. She’d probably watched Xena let fly the chakram many times, watched just how to snatch it out of its flight path. She steeled herself. The most important thing was to not let Callisto know how disturbed she was by all this. She saw Callisto’s legs moving out of the corner of her eye, trying to nudge Argo to run. Xena took a breath and tried to rustle up her intimidating warlord persona.

“Argo won’t obey you, and if you don’t stop kicking her, I’ll break your ankles.”

123: Death Mask

Xena followed closely behind Toris on the narrow forest path. Now that they were on the path of Cortese, the man who was responsible for the death of Lyceus, they were both focused and barely speaking. They were planning to infiltrate the brute Malik’s camp in order to gain information on Cortese. Xena wasn’t sure how she was going to convince Toris to spare Cortese when she wanted him dead just as badly, maybe more. Toris was taking out his anger on the trees and bushes, hacking them out of his way with his sword as he led the way. Xena used to do the same, before Gabrielle had told her that apparently it was better for the health of the forest to leave branches intact and push by without messing things up too much. She had no idea if it was true, but wasn’t willing to argue about it.

“So what was that all about?” Toris called back over his shoulder. Before Xena could ask, he clarified. “That thing with the girl.”

“Gabrielle,” Xena corrected him automatically. “And what thing?”

“The way she talked to you. You tried to send her back to the village and she refused to go. I’ve never heard of anyone going against your orders like that before.”

Xena shrugged. “She’s more stubborn than she looks,” she mumbled.

“And then she scolded you like a foolish husband. Said ‘end of discussion’ and everything. I can remember our mother saying things like that to our father before he left. I thought anyone who bossed you around like that would be bloodied on the ground before they got all the words out.” Toris looked back at her over his shoulder. Xena suddenly became very interested in the forest floor as she walked, feeling the heat rising in her face.

“Gabrielle is different.” She hoped she put enough authority in her voice to prevent any further comments. It didn’t work.

“I’ll say,” Toris said. “All those tales of the fearsome Warrior Princess and yet a pretty farm girl gets you to heel with a snap of her fingers.” He sounded disgusted and disappointed rather than teasing.

“She’s not a farm girl.” Xena said coldly.

“But she is pretty, right?”

Xena chose to ignore that. “Underestimating her is the first mistake everyone makes when they meet her. I know I did.”

“Did you? Shocked you when she bedded you, did she?” Toris smirked. Xena, already defensive, snapped. She grabbed him by the shoulders of his gambeson and slammed him against a tree.

“Say another word about her and lose your tongue.” she snarled in his face. She was rewarded with a familiar flicker of fear in his eyes, the same one she had seen all through their childhood whenever they fought. They stared at each other for a moment and then he looked away.

“Come on, Malik’s camp is just over the rise there.”

Gabrielle twirled her staff slowly, eyes closed. She was trying to do what Xena had said, let the sounds of nature sift through her mind like sand through fingers, try to pick out the important ones. The soft lap of the lake behind her on the shore, the whisper of branches, the calls of birds, all these things needed to flow past her so she could recognize danger. Instead she heard the impatient huff of Toris and the creak of him fiddling with his leather bracer. She opened her eyes, trying for patience.

“She’ll be back, Toris, don’t worry.” Xena had been in Malik’s camp for hours now.

“I’m not worried,” he snapped. “Just hoping she didn’t do anything stupid.”

Gabrielle gave a light laugh. “She’s Xena, a tactical mastermind, she’s not known for doing anything stupid.”

“Then clearly you don’t know her that well,” Toris said stiffly. “The Xena I know has no problem barrelling into a half-formed plan, putting other people in danger. She doesn’t care as long as she gets to fight.”

“That’s not true,” Gabrielle said, lowering her staff.

“What, you don’t see it? That shine in her eyes, that smile when she’s fighting, her laugh, like nothing is more fun than being in a kill or be killed situation?” He raised his eyebrows, both so like Xena and so unlike her. Gabrielle bit her lip. She had seen the unnerving joy Xena seemed to take in battle.

“She’s never put me in danger,” she said stoutly.

“Not once? Never got carried away and took a swing at you, or forgot to keep an eye on you, and you ended up hurt?” His eyes bored into Gabrielle’s. She looked away first. “I thought so.” he said. “She’s always been the same. She takes ordinary, good folk and sucks them into her world. You think it’s going to be an adventure, but that’s never enough for her. She craves violence, it’s like she doesn’t feel alive without the threat of death over her.”

“I chose this.” Gabrielle stood her ground. Toris’ words made her uneasy because they didn’t seem to be particularly untrue. Xena did thrive in battle, and seemed to get excited by things that terrified normal people. She was always warning Gabrielle to not end up like her. But Gabrielle couldn’t help it. Her knowledge that Xena was a hero felt so true it was as if the gods had spoken it in her ear. “I chose to follow her, she didn’t force me along. In fact, she’s tried to send me back home plenty of times.”

“Ah, so she can be smart sometimes.”

“But this is where I want to be. And I’m sorry for all your history with her, and I’m sorry about your brother, but she’s changed. I hope you get to spend enough time together that you can see that.”

“I’m glad you and Toris worked things out,” Gabrielle said, skipping alongside Argo’s familiar gait. Toris was headed in the opposite direction, towards Amphipolis. Xena looked down at her from horseback.

“Me too. He’s a good person.”

“Like you.” Gabrielle looked up at her in time to see the eye roll. She pretended not to notice. “He tried to warn me, you know. Told me I’d be better off abandoning you, going back home.”

“Smart boy.” That earned Xena a whack on the shin with Gabrielle’s staff. It was much harder than she was expecting, but she hid her wince. Gabrielle’s skills were really shaping up.

“How many times are we going to have this conversation? I know I’m in danger, I know who you are, and I’m still coming with you. Do you need me to pull out my stern voice again?”

“No,” Xena smiled, chastised. “But come on, let’s ride and we’ll make much better time to Thessaly.” She reached down a hand to Gabrielle, who took it. Before Xena could sweep her up onto horseback, Gabrielle gave a huge heave on her arm and clambered onto Argo herself. Xena kept her arm in place until she was steady, snugly pressed against her back. Gabrielle held her staff well away from Argo’s legs and wrapped the other tightly around Xena’s waist, fingers splayed across her stomach. Something in Xena’s chest fluttered. Gabrielle’s thighs were pressed against hers, and Gabrielle’s breath was warm on the back of her neck.

“Xena?” she asked.

“Yes?” Xena breathed, eyes drifting shut.

“Are we going?” Xena’s eyes snapped open. They had been stationary atop Argo for almost a full minute. Xena shook herself internally and clucked to Argo, squeezing her sides.

“Of course.”

124: Is There a Doctor in the House

Gabrielle steeled herself for the long journey ahead as she descended the steps of the Thessalian Temple. She still felt weak and shaky from her time unconscious, teetering dangerously between life and death. Her chest ached where a large bruise had bloomed, courtesy of Xena’s efforts to revive her, and her shoulder hurt, the stitches tugging when she turned to look at the empty and smoking warzone around them. Xena had been quiet all morning, even quieter than usual. Gabrielle knew she was exhausted, but she had refused to sleep, insisting instead on watching over Gabrielle while she rested from her injuries. She shifted guiltily, passing her staff between her hands, trying to decide which side was less painful to hold it. Gabrielle knew Xena hated being delayed for any reason, and she was going to have to walk far and fast today to make up for the lost time.

“Onto Athens!” she said with a false cheerfulness, planting her staff firmly before each step. Walking beside her, Xena slipped an arm around her waist, taking some of her weight.

“Not a chance, Gabrielle,” Xena said. “There’s a Mitoan camp a half-day’s journey from here. Marmax sent a messenger ahead to let them know we’re coming. We’ll camp there and then think about heading to Thessaly tomorrow. No way you’re going all the way to Athens any time soon, the state you’re in.” Gabrielle listened for an accusatory note in her voice and found none. She let out a sigh of relief. Half a day to a Mitoan camp sounded a lot better than the trek all the way to Athens. She felt a small twinge of regret they wouldn’t be staying in an inn tonight, but swallowed the complaint. She was back where she was supposed to be, that was all that mattered.

At Xena’s behest, she did her best to tell the story of what she had seen in her brief journey to the other side. Soft grass, the most unbelievable shade of green, sun that held the perfect amount of warmth without being scorching. She’d heard a waterfall nearby and the air was rich with the scent of wildflowers. People waved at her, beckoning her to join them at tables laden with her favourite foods. Her grandmother, her uncle, men and women she knew from Potadeia. And Talus, grinning ear to ear, calling out to her. She’d been surprised at how young he looked to her now, barely more than a boy. He was holding out a cup of wine for her.

This was where she faltered in her story. “And then I turned around and came back,” she finished, somewhat lamely.

“What made you turn?” Xena asked. Gabrielle looked up at her, catching a moment of vulnerability in her eyes before a look of polite curiosity settled over them like a mask.

“I, um, I heard your voice. Calling for me. I knew I had to come back.” That was putting it lightly, she thought to herself. She had been moments away from running towards the afterlife when a harrowing shriek had cut through the peaceful atmosphere of Elysia.

Don’t you leave me! Xena’s cry had split the air, preventing Gabrielle from taking another step. Slowly she turned, and saw, as if from above, Xena hunched over her body on the altar of Asclepius. Don’t leave me! Don’t leave me! Gabrielle had never seen Xena in hysterics. Before now, she would not have been able to picture Xena like this, almost out of her mind with terror and grief. She was forcibly reminded of herself, screaming as she beat her staff against a tree outside Salmoneus’ factory. It hadn’t occurred to her that Xena would react in the same way. The sight of Xena cracked something in her. This stoic warrior who oscillated between cool indifference and teasing sarcasm had so many layers, and here was another, being shown plainly and openly to Gabrielle. Her heart tugged in her chest. She watched as Xena leaned forward to breathe air into Gabrielle’s mouth. Gabrielle felt a tingle on her lips as Xena’s met hers, and felt her chest expand with breath. Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! With each desperate cry, Xena’s fist pounded Gabrielle’s chest, trying to jerk her heart back into motion. Gabrielle had no choice. Without even a glance back at the Elysian Fields, she stepped towards Xena, and found herself awake and gasping.

“You heard me?” Gabrielle was pulled from her memories by Xena’s soft question. Gabrielle looked up into that beautiful face. It was getting easier and easier to see past Xena’s harsh exterior to the soft and gentle person beneath. Xena was a lot more breakable than Gabrielle had originally thought.

“Of course I did.” She smiled warmly, leaning her head on Xena’s shoulder. “We promised not to leave each other, didn’t we? No dying.” Xena gave her a gentle squeeze in response, mindful of her injuries, and raised her fingers to her mouth, whistling for Argo.

They only had to wait a minute or so, Gabrielle gently swaying, her eyelids drooping. She didn’t know how she was going to hold on for a half-day's ride. When Argo ambled up and shuffled sideways, offering her back, Gabrielle waited for Xena to swing up first. Instead, she felt Xena’s hands on her hips and found herself boosted into the air with a small squeak. Xena settled her in the saddle, putting her feet in front of the stirrups and directing her hands to the saddlehorn. Then she clambered up behind her, pressing the front of her body snugly to Gabrielle’s back.

“You’ll have a better chance of staying on if you sit in front,” she explained, breath warm in Gabrielle’s ear. Gabrielle felt a pleasant shiver of warmth and security spread through her as Xena wrapped one arm around her, hand gently resting on her belly. The other held the reins. She sighed and relaxed back against Xena as Argo began to trot forward. She would have loved to fall asleep here, but for all Argo’s fine qualities, she was still a horse, and still rocked and bumped beneath her, jolting her shoulder and keeping her core muscles engaged, Xena’s warm hand upon her.

The ride to the Mitoan camp was uneventful. With Marmax off negotiating with the Thessalians, the forest was more or less deserted. Xena kept her arm firmly around Gabrielle, who she did not trust to have the strength to hold on tightly. She did the best she could without jostling her injuries, trying to ignore the familiar scent of Gabrielle’s hair tickling her nose.

When they arrived, the camp was well provisioned, many tents forming odd shapes rising from the ground in the setting sun. Cookfires smoked, and men sat about talking cheerfully or enjoying food and drink. A sentry hailed them and led them to a tent near the centre of the camp. Xena lifted the flap and ushered Gabrielle inside before turning to deal with Argo. The sentry waved her off, removing the saddlebags and handing them to her before insisting he’d take Argo to be fed and watered.

“General Marmax told us we ought to treat you as we would our own king,” he explained. “You’re the reason this war is over, and the reason we can all go home to our families. Please rest, my lady, we’ll see to things out here.” And he turned and led Argo away.

“My lady?” Xena muttered under her breath, offended. She was used to respect from soldiers, but had never before been addressed in such a princessish way, despite her well-known nickname. “Right away, Conqueror,” was more what she was used to. She huffed and ducked into the tent.

It was large, the type of tent that would usually be provided for a commander, or a royal visitor to the camp. Rugs were strewn over the ground to give it the impression of being truly indoors, and there was a desk for strategizing as well as a low table set with platters of fruit, cheese, and cold meats. Xena eyed the flagon of wine with interest, before her eyes drifted to Gabrielle, who was sprawled out on the sizable pallet, surrounded by cushions. Based on the steady rise and fall of her chest, she was already asleep. Xena watched her fondly for a moment before crossing the tent and sitting on the edge of the pallet. She reached out and carefully brushed Gabrielle’s hair away from her forehead. She felt for a fever and was relieved to find none.

“Gabrielle,” she said softly. Gabrielle mumbled something and did not open her eyes. “Gabrielle,” she called again. “I have to change your bandages. Can you sit up, please?” An angrier grumble. She reached out carefully to smooth the grumpy wrinkle between Gabrielle’s eyebrows. Gabrielle’s eyes flickered open and Xena drew her hand back immediately.

“Fine,” she said. “But only because you said please.” She eased herself up on her elbows with a groan as Xena collected fresh bandages from the saddlebags. Xena grabbed a platter of food from the table on her way back and set it on the edge of the bed. Gabrielle’s eyes lit up. Xena chuckled as Gabrielle tucked into the food, barely noticing what Xena was doing. She closed her eyes and savoured each bite as Xena carefully eased her arms out of her tunic and pulled it off, then started on the bandages. First the shoulder, old bandage peeled off carefully, wound cleaned, salve applied, and re-bandaged. Then the stomach. Xena tried to be as gentle as her rough hands could possibly be, averting her eyes from the deep purple bruise on Gabrielle’s chest that her desperate revival attempts had made.

Once Gabrielle was dressed in a clean shift, Xena placed two fingers under her jaw to feel her pulse. To her relief, it was strong and steady. Gabrielle tilted her head to give Xena better access, watching her carefully, cheese and bread abandoned.

“Any pain here?” Xena asked, touching her lymph nodes gently. Gabrielle shook her head. “Turn around.” She did, and Xena splayed her hands flat against Gabrielle’s ribs. “Breathe deeply.” Gabrielle did, and a sharp intake of breath gave her pain away. “Here?” Xena palpated the area carefully, feeling for any swelling.

“Ouch,” Gabrielle winced.

“Sorry,” Xena said quietly, focusing her mind into her fingertips, trying to map Gabrielle’s body and identify the problem. “I don’t think anything’s fractured, just a bit tender. I can’t find any major heat or swelling either.”

“A good thing, right?” Gabrielle glanced back over her shoulder. Xena smiled.

“Yes, a good thing. If you rest lots and keep those stitches clean, you’re going to be fine.”

“And what about you?” Gabrielle turned to face her.

“What about me?”

“When are you going to rest?” Xena didn’t answer. She stood up and collected the food platter and medical supplies, clearing them off the pallet. Gabrielle pressed on. “Xena, you haven’t eaten or slept for days. Between the civil war and taking care of me you’re exhausted. You look like you’re the one that almost died.”

Xena’s eyes snapped to hers. “Don’t joke about that.”

Gabrielle straightened her shoulders. “It’s my near-death experience, I’ll joke about it however I want.”

Xena scoffed. She was inches away from revealing that it would have been her death too. That if Gabrielle hadn’t started breathing again, she would have walked, arms open and weaponless, into a clash between the Mitoans and Thessalians. She probably wouldn’t have even taken the time to bury her armour this time around. She pressed a hand to her forehead.

“Fine, joke away.” She wasn’t in the mood to bicker. She’d felt almost weak with relief for the past twenty-four hours. Since Gabrielle had awoken with a gasp, she had felt lightheaded. All she’d been able to do in that moment of relief was hold Gabrielle to her chest and kiss her forehead over and over again. She could barely take her eyes off her, images of her still, cold body taking over her vision every time she wasn’t looking at Gabrielle. She needed to be constantly watchful, constantly training her eyes over Gabrielle to make sure she was still living, still breathing, and wasn’t going to slip away. She was practically sagging with the effort. Worse, Gabrielle could tell.

“Come here,” Gabrielle said sternly. She scooted over to make room on the cosy pallet. “We’re both going to sleep and get some strength back. You need it as much as I do.” If Xena had thought she herself was the master of the steely gaze, she was mistaken. Gabrielle had a hard stubbornness in her eyes that cowed her immediately. With a deep sigh, she unhooked her armour and set it aside with her boots. Exhaustion pulling at her bones, she trudged to the pallet.

Gabrielle held the blanket up for her and she slid into it. It was a tight fit for the two of them side by side, shoulders and hips pressing together uncomfortably. Gabrielle immediately shuffled onto her side and threw an arm over Xena’s stomach. Xena eyed her warily. If Gabrielle noticed, she pretended not to, and scooted closer, resting her head on Xena’s chest. Xena slowly extricated her arm and settled it around Gabrielle. She expected her heart to start hammering so hard that Gabrielle could hear it. Instead, an immense sense of relaxation settled over her. She frowned, mentally scanning her body carefully. The feeling was foreign and a little startling, but she couldn’t pick out any obvious danger. She surprised herself with her discovery - she was feeling safe. It had been so long she barely remembered it. Gabrielle let out a soft breath that tickled her neck, warm and steady and alive against her.

As Xena shut her eyes, she couldn’t deny it anymore. She’d known for a year, deep down. Ever since she saw a farm girl stand up to some of Draco’s finest. She’d watched her own feelings bloom with suspicion, powerless to stop them. But now, after seeing the shell of herself left behind in the wake of Gabrielle’s death, she had to admit it to herself. She was falling in love with Gabrielle.

Her final thought before she succumbed to sleep was simple. She had to put a stop to this. The people she loved got hurt or died, every time. She, Xena, had the blood of thousands on her hands, and she wasn’t going to touch Gabrielle with them. It would be for Gabrielle’s own good. For tonight, she’d let herself hold her, let herself feel her in her arms, her smell and her warmth and her life and her breath. And tomorrow, she’d end this infatuation, and never let this happen again.