Warrior Is – Season 1: Teach Me to Live, Teach Me to Breathe

117: The Royal Couple of Thieves

Gabrielle sighed as she closed the door to her room above the tavern. Xena and Autolycus were supposed to be gone for several days on the island of Malthos, and she was supposed to wait in town the whole time. On one hand, she knew it made sense to only sneak as many people as necessary into the auction, but still. She wished she’d been given a more important task than “wait here and check on Argo every so often.”

At least they had the money for a room this time. Waiting for Xena alone in the woods for several days appealed even less. She remembered sitting on the edge of the lake that held the gateway to the underworld, watching the still water, wondering if Xena was ever coming back, let alone before dark. And the horror when the spectre of Atyminius had greeted her instead.

She set her bags down on the floor and spread out on the bed. It was ludicrously large for one person, but the fresh linens were soft and fragrant, beckoning her to close her eyes. She had no idea what time it was, but the sun hadn’t set. Xena and Autolycus probably hadn’t even gotten on the boat yet. She heaved herself up and grabbed her writing supplies, heading to the door. A cold drink and some time scribing their adventures in the tavern would be a good way to pass the rest of the evening.

She was right, and the first evening passed easily. She had sat at a table in the middle of the tavern, catching up on her writings, sipping light ale, and making conversation with the locals. They had even persuaded her to tell a few stories for entertainment. It had been a delightful way to spend an evening, but it still felt like something was missing. Xena wasn’t a particularly noisy or boisterous companion, but Gabrielle found herself missing her steady, silent presence. When she’d stumbled over her words in a story she found herself searching the crowd for piercing blue eyes and an encouraging nod, and finding none. When a sweaty man leaned a little too close to talk to her, there was no firm hand on her shoulder making her feel protected. She hadn’t really noticed before how much she had come to rely on Xena.

The second day was more difficult. She breakfasted, wandered the market, worked on some staff techniques in a quiet clearing, brushed Argo, restocked their supplies, and was still so bored by the end of the day that she was aching for Xena to return. She had gotten used to having someone always around, someone to talk to, to share tasks with, or to joke around with. The evening found her back in the tavern, wiping her plate with the last bite of her bread, watching a minstrel whistle out a tune on an irritatingly tinny pipe.

“Good evening.” She looked up as a man slid onto the bench opposite her. He was older than she was, tall and lanky, with bright eyes and a wide smile.

“Good evening,” she said back, around her mouthful of bread. He leaned back and observed her, crossing his long legs at the ankles and steepling his fingers over his belly. There was something unnerving about the way he moved: careful and delicate, but radiating danger, like a spider.

“What brings you here?” he asked. Though his appearance set the hairs on the back of her neck tingling, his voice was friendly.

“I’m waiting for a friend.” She crossed her arms and leaned back in her own chair, trying to appear confident. “And you?”

“The very same thing - I’m waiting for someone too.” His eyes gleamed. “And who might your friend be?”

Gabrielle hesitated. She couldn’t decide if sharing Xena’s name would scare him off, or pique his interest further. She made a split second decision as she pushed her plate away and rose to her feet. “Just a friend, no one of importance. Now, if you’ll excuse me. Good evening to you.” She smiled in the most friendly way she could muster, hoping it was enough to show him that she wasn’t interested but not anger him. She didn’t exactly feel comfortable turning her back on him, but she felt okay doing it in the middle of a crowded tavern. She spun on her heel and marched up the stairs leading to the inn rooms. At the top of the steps she risked a glance back over her shoulder. He wasn’t at her table anymore. In fact, she couldn’t see him at all. She shook her head, deciding he’d slinked off to bother someone else.

The hallway to her room was deserted and dark. An open shutter had allowed the wind to blow out the torches. She stepped carefully over the uneven floorboards, a single shaft of moonlight the only illumination. There was a creak behind her that made her jump. Stupid, she scolded herself. It’s a rickety old in, of course the halls are draughty and the floorboards creak. She continued making her way to her door, keeping a constant flow of thoughts to stem the unreasonable panic that she felt rising in her chest.

Suddenly, there was a thump right behind her, and as she whirled around she felt the pressure of two fingers on the side of her neck. The last thing she remembered seeing before she passed out was that pair of gleaming eyes.

Gabrielle admired the large diamond ring she had slid off Autolycus’s finger as she and Xena wound their way through the forest path. She was trying to appear nonchalant, and not let Xena know how much her abduction by Sinteres and subsequent fight on the island of Malthos had shaken her. She was quiet; they had left Argo in town and now needed to make the long trudge back to pick her up along with their belongings.

“Are you actually going to try to find the real owner?” asked Xena, nodding to the ring.

Gabrielle sighed. “No, probably not. I think it’ll do more good if I leave it at an orphanage or something.” She slipped it off and tucked it in the pocket of her skirt. They walked in companionable silence for a time.

“So, what happened?” It was unusual for Xena to break silence first, but she was clearly curious. “How did Sinteres get you?”

Gabrielle felt a twinge of fear. “Oh, you know, chatted with me in the tavern, unnerved me enough to send me running to my room, caught me in the dark with the pinch. Probably the same way he kidnaps anybody.” She thought that if she laughed it off, maybe it wouldn’t seem so frightening.

“But how did he know who you were? Did you tell him? Did you use my name?”

In spite of the unpleasantness of reliving the memory, Gabrielle felt a small surge of defensiveness. She crossed her arms. “Of course not, I’m not stupid, you know.”

“I didn’t say you were stupid,” Xena protested. “I was just -”

“Just assuming I got myself into trouble, as per usual,” Gabrielle wasn’t even sure why the anger was flaring up so strongly. She was starting to feel embarrassed for getting kidnapped. Again. “You know, if you think I’m a liability, you can just say it.”

Xena’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Gabrielle, you are not a liability. I’m only trying to understand what happened.”

“And the only way it could have happened is if I messed up, isn’t it?” She turned away. She really thought that by now she’d be more of a warrior. It had been months on the road with Xena and even though she had learned a few basic staff moves, it felt like she was always needing to be rescued. Or being left behind in a tavern to wait. Or both.

Xena sighed. “Listen,” she said awkwardly. Gabrielle knew comfort wasn’t exactly Xena’s strong suit, but it meant something that she was going to try. “You’re not messing up. Let’s just… let’s just forget it, okay? Come on, I know a shortcut through the canyon up here.” She clapped Gabrielle on the shoulder and walked past her, tugging Argo along.

Gabrielle took a deep breath and watched for several moments. Xena’s attempt at emotional support did not do much for her confidence, but at least she hadn’t sent Gabrielle away. She set the end of her staff to the ground and took a step, promising herself she wasn’t going to need Xena’s rescuing anymore.

118: The Prodigal

Xena watched as Gabrielle slung her bag over her shoulder and headed back down the road in the direction of Potadeia. She wondered if she should have done a better job convincing her to stay. Again, Gabrielle had used that word, ‘liability’. Again, Xena had told her she wasn’t, and again, Gabrielle hadn’t believed her. Sinteres was clearly still fresh in her mind, and followed by the freeze-up in today’s scuffle with bandits, Gabrielle seemed convinced that her time as an adventurer was finished. Xena felt a bit guilty that she hadn’t said more. She’d tried to brush it off, make it out as no big deal, but clearly it was to Gabrielle. Xena scrubbed her hands over her face. She didn’t often wish she was good with words. Her fists, or a nice towering silence worked for her most of the time. But Gabrielle, so quick-tongued and gifted with verse, seemed to need reassurance beyond a teasing grunt and a slap on the back.

Even in the aftermath, as Gabrielle’s footsteps faded well out of earshot, Xena couldn’t think of what she might have said differently. She felt hurt by Gabrielle’s parting words. “Sometimes you need your family to help solve things,” she had said. It was strange, Gabrielle had always talked as though she had been desperate to get away from her family and her village. What could they possibly offer her now?

“I thought we were family.” she muttered to herself. It hurt that Gabrielle was just leaving - again. First for the Academy of Bards, now to go back home. It felt like whiplash, like Gabrielle was constantly oscillating between wanting to be here and not. Xena couldn’t decide if she was more annoyed or hurt. She decided it didn’t matter. “Well, she’s going to do things her own way, isn’t she, Argo?” The horse twitched her ears. “That’s right, we don’t need her.” Argo turned slowly and gave her an appraising look. Xena put her hands on her hips. “What? We don’t!” A doubtful snort was her reply. Xena threw her hands up.

“Fine. I’ll wait here just a little longer. In case she changes her mind and wants to turn back.” Argo tossed her head, jingling her tack. “Don’t laugh at me,” Xena scolded, holding up a finger. “I’m not desperate, I’m just being nice, hanging around for a bit.” Argo stared at her. She stared back. “How do you always win our arguments?”

She had intended to only wait a few hours to make sure Gabrielle wasn’t coming back. But she just couldn’t bring herself to move on. How would Gabrielle find her again? Would she even want to? A heaviness hung over her movements as she gave up and set up camp for the night, a short walk away from the blocked canyon. She built a fire, set Argo free to graze, sharpened her sword, and mended a strap on her leathers, which was starting to wear through. All the while, the chillingly silent air pressed in around her. Even when Gabrielle was annoying, her constant chatter had become so integrated to the background noises of camp that it was strange to be without it.

When she finally lay back on her bedroll, she made sure her sword and chakram were well within reach. She always did this, it was out of sheer habit at this point. But the thought flickered through her mind: she didn’t have anyone to protect even if she was attacked. She rolled her head around, looking at the spot a few feet away where Gabrielle would normally be. Gabrielle always fell asleep so fast, she was usually out before Xena had finished settling in for the night. It was something that caused bafflement and envy in equal measure. But sometimes, Gabrielle would lay awake, and they would try to name constellations, or talk about the plans for tomorrow. Sometimes, Gabrielle would roll onto her stomach and rest her chin on her folded arms, looking at Xena and telling her things about her childhood. Xena would look at the sky, avoiding her earnest gaze. She didn’t talk much, but listened to every word. There was a gentle tug inside her that wanted to know everything about Gabrielle, hear every story and know every thought. It was lucky that Gabrielle was always so willing to share.

It had never occurred to her to reciprocate. Gabrielle asked plenty of questions, and Xena answered them if she could. She was ashamed of many things, and decided that Gabrielle didn’t need to know all the details. But she sometimes wished she could pour it all out, tell her every single horrible thing she’d done, every single regret she still carried. She sighed and rolled onto her side. That would never happen. She couldn’t even picture the horror and disappointment on Gabrielle’s face if she ever learned all the details of the true Xena, Destroyer of Nations.

119: Altared States

Xena tried to ignore the sweat dripping down her back, but it set her teeth on edge, making her feel like insects were crawling under her clothes. It had been three days of walking in the searing heat. Gabrielle had indeed returned to the canyon where Xena waited, and they had carried on their journey right as the weather reached the height of summer. They had plenty of water, and would certainly make it to the next village in time to replenish their rations, but the sun was punishing. She glanced behind her to see if Gabrielle was faring any better. It didn’t look like it. Her sweaty hair was stuck to her forehead and she was leaning heavily on her staff, trying to stay in the patch of shade that Argo’s shadow created.

Xena felt a light breeze lift the hair on the back of her neck and breathed deeply. Nothing would be more welcome than a strong gust of wind right now, but the air danced gently around her, teasingly, and settled again into the oppressive weight of the heat. But the air carried a scent of fresh water, and something else. Xena grinned. Fish.

“Come on!” she called back to Gabrielle and tugged Argo off the path and into the tall grass. It was a testament to how exhausted Gabrielle was that she didn’t ask where they were going, and just stumbled silently along behind.

At last, they reached the wide grassy bank of a lake, surrounded by high cliffs. A waterfall thundered over the tops into the pool below on the opposite bank. Xena swore she could feel the mist on her skin all the way on this side of the water. Gabrielle immediately staggered over and flopped down on the hot grass.

“You know, I didn’t believe in gifts from the gods until right now. A cold swim on a day like this?” She made a small noise of anticipation, taking a pull from her waterskin.

“Gift from the gods? More like gift from my sense of direction,” Xena scoffed. She sat next to Gabrielle and began to unlace her boots.

“Then thank you,” Gabrielle said softly, laying a hand on Xena’s arm. Xena froze at the contact, her skin tingling where Gabrielle was touching her, unrelated to the heat of the day. “Or thank your sense of direction, I suppose.” Gabrielle gave her arm an absentminded pat and lay back on her elbows, surveying their serene surroundings.

Xena eased her boots off and stretched her feet, wiggling her toes in the grass before beginning to fuss with her armour clasps. She’d need to oil them soon, the right shoulder was getting particularly difficult to unlatch. Before she could reach for it, Gabrielle’s fingers got there first. Their eyes met for a moment and Gabrielle gave her a lazy smile. She worked the clasp carefully, so as to not bend the hammered shape, until finally it sprang free. Xena pulled her breastplate off over her head and set it gently aside, relishing the loss of the weight on her body. She rolled her shoulders a few times to loosen them. Gabrielle, her job done, had laid back in the grass and shut her eyes.

“Are you coming in?” Xena asked. She looked down at Gabrielle, who peeked at her from under an eyelid.

“In a little while.” Gabrielle waved her hand at Xena, motioning her to go ahead without her, and closed her eyes again with a soft sigh.

“Gabrielle?”

“Mmm?”

“You’re falling asleep.”

“So?”

“So at least try to lay in the shade so you don’t get sunburnt.”

“Okay.” Gabrielle didn’t move. Xena got to her feet, considering leaving her there. But really, the shade of a large bush was only a few feet away, and she was never going to miss an opportunity to mess with Gabrielle.

She squatted, and in a quick movement, before Gabrielle knew what was happening, Xena shoved her arms under her body and rolled her over into the shadows unceremoniously. Her body made a soft whump on the grass, accompanied by an indignant squeal. She leapt up immediately, barefoot, bleary-eyed, and disheveled.

“Xena!” She didn’t bother dusting herself off. “I am going to kill you!” She rushed at Xena, who laughed and danced away, giving her a poke in the ribs as she charged past. Gabrielle whirled around, determined to get her back. Xena easily diverted each of her swings, but Gabrielle’s onslaught had her edging backwards, toward the water.

“Not so tough without your staff, are you?” Xena teased. She went in for another jab, which Gabrielle dodged. Xena lifted her leg and aimed a half hearted kick at Gabrielle’s rear end, but Gabrielle surprised her by seizing her ankle. She wobbled for a moment, and saw a glitter of triumph in Gabrielle’s blue eyes. Gabrielle yanked her leg upwards, clearly intent on dumping Xena on her ass, but she was ready. She used the momentum to jump and turn a neat backflip with a sharp cry, and landed on her bare feet with a thud on the shore. Before she could draw breath to crow another taunt, Gabrielle’s weight hit her full force around the middle and she found herself tackled into the water.

They fell with a splash into the shallows, limbs flailing. Xena gained her feet first in the knee-deep water but purposefully slowed herself, making a show of spitting out water and brushing wet hair out of her eyes.

“That was a good trick,” she said as Gabrielle staggered to her feet.

“I knew you would flip,” Gabrielle panted. “I’ve seen it enough times. But I hadn’t seen anyone rush you when you landed. Guess I’m learning your weaknesses.” There was a twinkle in her eye as she bent and swept both hands through the water, showering Xena with a splash.

“I have no weaknesses,” Xena growled, stalking towards her. Gabrielle stood her ground.

“Sure you do. You have one that I know,” Gabrielle said stubbornly.

“Oh?” Xena raised her eyebrow, stepping closer. “And what is it?” In her mind’s eye she could picture Gabrielle whispering ‘me’ and lunging forward for a kiss. She hoped her already scorched skin would hide any blush on her chest. Gabrielle had something else in mind though.

“Fish!” She pointed into the deeper water, where a few silver shapes rippled under the surface. Then, while Xena was momentarily distracted, she shoved past her and raced towards the bank, safely out of reach. Xena puffed out her cheeks as the tension drained from her body.

“You got me,” she called to Gabrielle, before slowly wading deeper and stilling, hands poised just above the surface. All their splashing and shrieking had startled the fish, but after a few minutes of standing still, willing herself to become part of the lake, they ventured closer. It wasn’t long before she had a fish gripped in each fist and was trudging towards the bank. Argo trotted eagerly over to her, nudging at her hands to inspect her spoils. “You don’t want these,” Xena crooned, with a kiss to her forehead. Argo nosed the fish carefully and then stepped back with a sneeze. “Told you.” Xena said, grabbing some twine from the saddlebags and threading it through the fish gills.

“You have to show me how to do that,” Gabrielle said, approaching. “Catch fish with your bare hands,” she clarified, before Xena could ask. “Tell me - is it more about being fast or about being still?”

“It’s mostly about being quiet,” Xena said, looking up from her fish to meet Gabrielle’s eyes.

“Don’t.” Gabrielle held up a hand to her.

“Don’t what?” Xena put on her best look of wide-eyed innocence, which she knew was incredibly unconvincing.

“Don’t make a joke about me not being able to be quiet.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” Xena said seriously. “Now that you know my one weakness I have to be much more careful.”

“Exactly,” Gabrielle grinned. “Now come on, let’s wash and you can show me how to do that.” She turned away and stripped off her top, hanging it on some bushes to dry out in the sun.

An hour later they were still basking in the cool water. Gabrielle had lost her motivation for fishing almost the moment she had swum out to the deep part of the lake. Presently, she was floating on her back with her eyes closed, enjoying the combination of the hot sun on her skin and the cold water swirling lazily under her. The concept of lazing about seemed almost foreign to Xena. Gabrielle had watched her through half-closed eyes as she had first swam several lengths, then dove to touch the bottom, and then made Gabrielle count seconds while she tested how long she could hold her breath. Now, she was standing near the waterfall, water streaming off her body, poised to dive.

“Gabrielle! Gabrielle!” she hollered, breaking through the serene silence. Gabrielle tipped her head up impatiently.

“What?” she called back.

“Stay there, okay? I’m going to come to you!”

“Okay,” Gabrielle rolled her eyes. Why Xena felt the need to tell her that, she wasn’t sure. She resumed her relaxing.

“Gabrielle!” More insistent this time.

“What, Xena?” she tipped herself upright.

“Watch me!” Xena yelled back, bouncing on her toes a few times.

“Gods give me patience,” Gabrielle sighed, and gave her a thumbs up. Xena stretched out her arms and dove from the rock, cutting smoothly into the water. Gabrielle watched and waited, but she didn’t resurface. Gabrielle frowned and scanned the water, looking for ripples or bubbles that might hint at Xena's position. There was nothing but the smooth, glassy surface. Her heart started to beat a little faster. Surely there wasn’t danger here, there was nothing to drag Xena under without a trace. She looked down at herself, half expecting a sea creature to explode underneath her and swallow her whole. Then, with a gasp and a splash, Xena appeared right beside her, spluttering, chest heaving. She then gave a whoop of triumph.

“See, I knew I could do it! I bet I could swim underwater all the way from there to here,” She gestured towards the waterfall where she had come from.

“I didn’t make any bet,” Gabrielle smiled. It was rare to see Xena so silly and playful. She caught glimpses of her goofy side often, but nothing this sustained before.

“Of course not,” Xena frowned. “I bet myself.”

Gabrielle couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing. “So instead of just swimming where you wanted to swim, you made a bet with, let me get this right, yourself, that you couldn’t do it, just so that you would then prove yourself wrong?”

“I like a challenge,” Xena said with a shrug. “Speaking of which, are you ready for your fishing lesson?”

“Hmm, I was thinking I would just sunbathe instead and you could catch more.” Gabrielle tilted herself back into a floating position, but Xena tugged at her ankle.

“No way,” she said. “Step one: familiarize yourself with the lake.”

“Oh sure, ‘become one with the lake, become one with the fish’,” Gabrielle mocked. Xena grinned.

“Come on, race you to the bottom.” And with that, she took a breath and ducked below the surface. Gabrielle couldn’t deny her own competitive streak. Now that it was a race, she was suddenly interested again. She took a breath and splashed after Xena.

Gabrielle broke the surface only a few moments after Xena. “How was that?” she asked.

“Very good,” Xena drawled. “You’re getting the hang of it.”

“Really?” Gabrielle said sarcastically, shaking hair out of her eyes.

“Come on Gabrielle, you’ve been wanting to do this for ages.” Xena reached out with her foot and found a rock, a likely place for fish to hide. “Just reach under this rock, give it your best shot.”

“Okay.” Gabrielle took a breath and dunked, opening her eyes underwater. She saw the murky, ghostly shape of Xena’s leg and swam towards it, then down to where the rock was. She felt Xena’s leg twitch as she brushed against it. Then she reached under, felt around for a second and - “I did it! I did it!” she broke the surface, waving around a small flailing fish in her hands.

Before she could make a quip about succeeding on her first try, a shout from the bank caused them both to whip around. There, they saw a blonde boy running, it seemed, for his life.

120: Ties That Bind

“For me, our friendship binds us closer than blood ever could.” Gabrielle was surprised at such a vulnerable admission from Xena, but pleasantly so.

“For me, too,” she replied. She felt strange about the past few days. The mysterious appearance of Atrius and his insistence that he was Xena’s father, Xena’s firm denial of his relation to her, then her clear desire to bond with him had her head spinning. After he’d sadly admitted to Gabrielle that he had no hope of getting to know his daughter while she was there, Gabrielle had decided the best thing to do was to take herself out of the equation. She’d only made it as far as Locia, to drop off Rhea and the other rescued girls. After that, she wasn’t quite sure where she was going to go. Certainly not home, but maybe to the Amazons, or back to Athens for the Academy.

But then everything had changed, again. Xena’s bloodthirsty side had reared its ugly head for the first time since she had taken a swing at Gabrielle in the dank prison of a small town. Seeing Xena ride into the village, sword swinging and battle cry echoing was a sight that generally filled Gabrielle with hope, but today it had terrified her. She’d stood up, legs trembling, before the ghost of The Destroyer of Nations, only herself and an old pitchfork against the woman who had killed thousands. The most horrifying thing had been Xena’s smile. The way she so clearly enjoyed drinking in the terror of the villagers around her, the way she sneered at Gabrielle’s desperate attempt to stop her as if it was all a fine joke. The way she barely glanced at her when she shoved her aside. The fury and fear had taken over Gabrielle, and before she knew it, she was swinging the pitchfork at the back of Xena’s head with all her strength.

The force of the blow had radiated up through her arms, and the pitchfork had snapped. It was like hitting a stone wall. Xena had fallen to her knees only for a moment before rising and whirling on Gabrielle. For a split second, Gabrielle had been certain she was about to die. But then she saw the clarity in those impossibly blue eyes. Her Xena. Relief flooded her so intensely she thought she might faint. Atrius had then revealed himself to be Ares, and Xena had immediately turned on him. After everything, Gabrielle felt weak from exhaustion and fear, and the adrenaline spike that had spurred her to attack Xena in the first place.

“You swing a pretty mean pitchfork,” Xena said, breaking into her reverie. So they were going to gloss over their tender moment with humour, as always. This, at least, was familiar.

“I learned from the best,” Gabrielle quipped.

“Well, I owe you one.” Xena smiled. As they set off, a shout sounded behind them.

“Gabrielle!” Gabrielle turned to see Rhea running after them. They paused while she caught up. “Gabrielle,” she panted. “I spoke with my sister, and she said it’s okay if you wanted to stay with us for a while.” Beside her, Xena’s eyebrows shot up into her fringe. “I know you said you were thinking of staying in Locia and you weren’t sure where you were going next, but we’d be happy to host you until you know your next move.”

“Oh!” Gabrielle fidgeted. She felt Xena draw away from her slightly. “That’s very kind, but, uh…” she gestured to Xena and Argo. “But I’m going with Xena. So… but thank you!” She tried to end the conversation on a cheery, if awkward note. Rhea gave her one last hug before turning to head back home. Gabrielle turned slowly to Xena, who was waiting a few paces away, all hint of levity gone from her face. “Xena-” but before Gabrielle could explain, Xena whirled around and marched off without a word. Argo followed, but not without a flick of her tail that came dangerously close to hitting Gabrielle in the face.

Gabrielle trailed a ways behind all day, occasionally losing sight of Xena and Argo around bends in the road or through thick clusters of trees. She could have jogged to catch up, but thought it was best to leave Xena alone, let her anger cool off. She knew she’d have to explain her plan to stay in Locia eventually, and tried to find the words in advance. She came up with nothing.

When at last she caught up to Xena, night had fallen and camp had already been set out. A fire was sending sparks high into the sky and Argo was nosing interestedly at a thick clump of ferns. The bedrolls were laid out, and water was set to boil. But Xena was nowhere to be found. Gabrielle squinted through the darkness, wondering if she had gone hunting, or was truly so angry with Gabrielle she couldn't bear to look her in the face tonight. Then a thud and a grunt came through the trees, and the unmistakable whoosh of Xena’s sword blade through the air. Gabrielle sighed, dropped her bag, and headed towards the noise.

She came around a corner to a softly moonlit clearing. Xena had removed her armour and boots, and was moving carefully back and forth across the grass, sword twirling around her. Gabrielle watched quietly as she drilled, one hand resting against a large oak tree. Xena moved like some kind of powerful night creature, constantly circling, sword flashing so fast Gabrielle could hardly see it but for the glints of moonlight off the blade. She watched as Xena swiped at an invisible foe, somersaulted forward, and swept her sword from a crouch, no doubt taking out her imaginary enemies’ knees. From a crouch she gracefully leapt backwards into a handspring, her swordless hand supporting her alone for a moment before regaining her feet. Sweat was beading down her body, and Gabrielle found her eyes raking Xena’s form, taking in the powerful thighs and broad shoulders, every inch of her radiating precision deadliness. Instead of seeing danger, this time, Gabrielle saw beauty.

When Xena stopped for a breath, she met Gabrielle’s eyes. Gabrielle was certain Xena had been aware of her the moment she stepped into the clearing, but had made her wait while she finished her workout. Xena looked at her coldly. Gabrielle wasn’t the one to start the conversation.

“You know, if you don’t want to do this anymore, you can just leave.”

“What?” Gabrielle had planned to approach the conversation calmly, but already heard the defensiveness in her own voice.

“I heard Rhea,” Xena said shortly. “You were planning to bring the girls back to Locia and stay there, without even sending word to me.”

“Xena, that’s not true! I was trying to give you time to bond with your father.”

“Without even asking me? I know you’re the master of sensitive emotions, Gabrielle, but it would be nice sometimes if you let me decide how I feel.”

“Atrius told me there was no place for him while I was around.” Gabrielle crossed her arms. “I thought I was being helpful.”

“Well in case you didn’t notice, Atrius was Ares all along, he was trying to drive you away on purpose, and you fell for it!” Xena’s sneer was unbearable.

“You fell for it too!” Gabrielle said shrilly, throwing her hands in the air. “Or did you forget you almost razed a village today!”

“You were going to leave me again,” Xena hissed. Where Gabrielle got louder, Xena got quieter. “First Athens, then Potadeia, now this. You begged me to bring you along but ever since then you’ve been dying to get away.” A harsh silence fell. Gabrielle’s heart ached. This might have been the fastest they’d ever gotten to the crux of an argument. Xena’s eyes were wide, she looked fearful, vulnerable. It had been a year since Gabrielle had left home searching for something, and she still wasn’t sure if she’d found it. She tried to put it into words.

“I don’t know who I am,” she finally said. “I’ve been searching. Potadeia, the Amazons, the Academy, Perdicas in Troy, being a bard, being a warrior, it’s all just -” she gestured vaguely around her, trying to convey her sense of confusion. “It’s like they’re all parts of me but I can’t get them to fit together to make a whole.”

Xena sagged before her, all fight gone. “And you need to go away to do that,” she said softly. Gabrielle shook her head.

“No, I don’t know what I need.” She gave a small laugh. “To grow up, maybe?”

Xena’s mouth twitched. “Well that’s not going to happen any time soon.”

“Watch it,” Gabrielle warned. She took a step towards Xena, lifting her arms. She knew Xena wasn’t a touchy person, but a hug seemed like the right move to mend things. She was only a little surprised that Xena seemed to agree, and stepped forwards, slipping her arms around her shoulders. Gabrielled tightened her arms around Xena’s waist and pressed her nose to her shoulder. She took a deep, steadying breath, which she could feel mirrored in Xena’s ribcage.

“You’ll let me know?” Xena said softly, resting her cheek on Gabrielle’s head. “When you figure it out?”

Gabrielle nodded against her. “I’ll let you know.”