Warrior Is – Season 1: Teach Me to Live, Teach Me to Breathe

106: The Reckoning

Gabrielle stumbled up the steps from the prison where Xena was held. Her cheek stung, her jaw throbbed, and her shoulder hurt where she had fallen on the stone. She had watched Xena fight for a while now, and never once had she felt unsafe or like she might get caught in the crossfire. Today was different. Xena had swung at her. And of course, being Xena, she didn’t miss. Tears stung her eyes as she moved swiftly across the town square. Gabrielle paused, wondering what to do. The torches at the inn flickered welcomingly, but she didn’t have any money. All their dinars were in Argo’s saddlebags, and Argo was gods knew where.

She worked her way around the back of the inn to the water well. She hoisted up the bucket and splashed some on her face. The cold water soothed the sting where Xena’s fist had connected. She then sat on the ground, face in hands. Xena’s face while fighting was always a frightening sight. It was like something feral came over her. Her eyes glimmered like a predator’s, her teeth bared like they could tear flesh. Her wild cries and shrieks sounded inhuman. But this was the first time any of it had been directed at her. She’d seen the battle haze clear from Xena’s vision when they made eye contact. Xena had recognized her a moment too late, but Gabrielle’s instincts had bid her flee and she had obeyed them.

What now? Xena might have killed the guards by now. She might have burned the prison to the ground and could be let loose on the streets, ready to exact her revenge on the whole village. Gabrielle had a sudden image of Xena atop the executioner's carriage, dragging townsfolk behind it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a loud huffing noise. Gabrielle nearly jumped out of her skin and looked wildly around, half expecting Xena to be advancing on her from the shadows, sword drawn. Instead, it was Argo who nosed her way out of the darkness and over to Gabrielle. She stopped a few paces away and tossed her head, bridle jingling, and eyeing Gabrielle doubtfully.

“Argo,” Gabrielle breathed. She stood slowly and reached a hand towards the horse. Argo grunted again and pawed the ground nervously. “I know, I know you don’t like me,” Gabrielle said soothingly, inching forward. “But your mom’s in trouble. I think you know that, I think that’s why you came to me instead. So can we put aside our differences just for tonight and try to get her back?” Argo flicked her ears in what Gabrielle decided was agreement. “Okay.” She seized hold of the reins. “Let’s go.”

Xena paced her cell, mind churning. Her guts turned uncomfortably inside her, wracked with guilt. It was not an overly familiar feeling to her, and she didn’t much care for it. Back in her days as Ares’ Chosen, she hadn’t felt guilty about anything. After a good day of fighting she had the same feeling a good quality wine gave her. Power, peace, confidence, a sense of ownership of things around her, and a hazy excitement of taking whatever she wanted. Guilt felt more like the day after a good quality wine, when her stomach roiled and head pounded. Ares drifted back to the forefront of her mind. His offer was tempting, especially now as she keenly missed the freedom of her old ways. She’d decided to give Gabrielle’s peace talking method a chance but the villagers didn’t seem convinced. Besides, by now Gabrielle was certainly on her way home. There was no way she would stick around after what had happened.

The guilt lurched inside her again as she thought of Gabrielle’s betrayed eyes, clutching her face. Ares had fed her simmering rage to such an extent that she’d entered a battle haze she hadn’t felt for a long time. Normally she only got like that when her life depended on it, when she was surrounded by an army, when there was no other hope. Instead she’d let him take her to that place over three measly villagers and her own companion. Now it looked like he was her only way out of this mess.

“Hi!” A whisper at the window had her whip around. The unmistakable earnest face of Gabrielle peered through the bars at her. Xena’s heart jumped. Gabrielle offered to use Argo to wrest the bars off the window. Xena let herself have a half smile, thinking of Argo’s attitude towards Gabrielle. She couldn’t believe Gabrielle had come back for her, much less that she would partner with her ornery horse to do it. “What you did wasn’t you, I know that,” Gabrielle had insisted. Xena wasn’t so sure. Maybe the part of her that had flown into a rage and hit Gabrielle was the truest part of her there was.

“I need you to leave me alone for a while,” she said. The hurt flashed in Gabrielle’s eyes again. Right on cue, the guilt prodded Xena from within. “I didn’t mean that like it sounded. I’m glad you came back.” As she said it, she realized it was true. She had been hoping to ease Gabrielle’s pain, but found that her own heart lifted knowing that Gabrielle hadn’t fled. She closed her eyes. Time to turn to the other option. Ares.

Hours later, they were finally leaving that godsforsaken town and Argo was happily following after Xena, casting the occasional wary glance at Gabrielle. Xena felt the need to say it again.

“You coming back for me really meant a lot after what I did to you,” She tried to look Gabrielle directly in the eyes as she spoke, willing her to understand the depth of it. “I owe you. Thanks.”

Gabrielle smiled. “I owe you too.” And with that, she took a swing. Xena saw it coming in the way Gabrielle’s eyes had flickered to her shoulder, and in the way she had clenched and unclenched her fist several times at her side just before. She smirked and blinked slowly, letting it happen. Gabrielle staggered.

“What was that?”

“Paybacks, for hitting me!”

“Feel better?”

“I think I broke my hand! But I do feel better.”

“Good.” Xena felt her signature smug look twitching into a genuine smile. “So do I.” Clucking to Argo, she stepped forward, Gabrielle still nursing her fingers. I have got to teach that girl to throw a punch.

107: The Titans

Xena whistled for Argo as soon as they had exited the temple. She trotted up after a few moments. Xena fished an apple out of her pack and offered it to her. Gabrielle wanted to ask if she could give Argo the treat and maybe buy some goodwill with the beast. But hadn’t Xena just told her to stay away from Argo after tangling her reins? After disobeying her and getting into trouble (again), this time with three deadly titans, Gabrielle decided to be well behaved from now on. At least for a time.

Argo munched the apple enthusiastically as Xena attached her bag and tightened all the straps. She then swung herself into the saddle with a creaking of leather and turned to Gabrielle, offering her a hand. Gabrielle’s lips twisted into a reluctant smile. So she was allowed near Argo in some circumstances. She seized Xena’s arm and before she could even prepare herself to hop, felt herself swung up and over the horse’s back. She settled just behind Xena, who kept her bent arm braced on Gabrielle behind her until she had adjusted her skirts and wrapped her arms firmly around Xena’s waist.

Xena’s body felt very different from Pyleus’, the sweet boy who had offered her comfort during the titan debacle. Gabrielle blinked as the thought floated across her mind, unbidden. Xena felt both softer and stronger than he had. She’d slept curled beside him, and hadn’t had any complaints in the morning. His arm had been bony under her head and his robes had felt scratchy against her, but she had felt the care he had for her. She had felt - well, not exactly protected, but at least out of danger. Safe, like he wouldn’t hurt her. Argo lurched forward into a trot and Gabrielle redoubled her grip. They rode in silence for a while.

“Xena?”

“Mmm?”

“What did you mean, ‘things like that’?”

“What?”

“When you said we shouldn’t let ‘things like that’ come between us, what did you mean?”

Xena slowed Argo to a walk so they could talk more easily. “I meant what I said,” she began slowly. “Things like disagreements, or… dealing with things differently, or making mistakes. Those kinds of things shouldn’t come between friends.”

“Mistakes like Pyleus?” Gabrielle asked softly. Xena’s head turned sharply and she regarded Gabrielle over her shoulder.

“I didn’t say he was a mistake. And you said you didn’t make it anyway.” Xena’s voice was cold, but there was something else behind it that Gabrielle couldn’t identify. But Xena’s sudden reaction caused anger to flare inside her again.

“I thought I told you it wasn’t your business!” It was uncomfortable to be arguing with Xena while holding her so snugly on the horse, but there wasn’t any other option.

“Then why did you bring it up?” Xena’s voice remained emotionless and cool. It frustrated Gabrielle even more. Here she was, trying to prove that she wasn’t just some kid, and she was losing her head while Xena remained completely detached.

“Because -” Gabrielle floundered for a moment. Why had she? “Because like you said, we’re friends. You’re not my mother, Xena. You can’t stop me from doing the things I want.”

“Like raising titans?” Gabrielle swore she could hear the raised eyebrow.

“You just said we can’t let mistakes come between us!” Gabrielle said shrilly. Xena pulled Argo to a stop and twisted around to look at her.

“Gabrielle,” she said firmly. “I don’t know what we are arguing about right now but whatever it is, I am done talking about it.” Gabrielle huffed a breath out. It was echoed by Argo, who somehow managed to make it sound mocking.

“Fine. Just - you’re not my mother, okay?” She decided that’s what she was so annoyed about. It felt good to put her finger on the problem.

“Fine.” Xena echoed. “You can sleep with whoever you want, Gabrielle.”

“Thank you, I will!”

The corner of Xena’s mouth twitched. She turned back around and clicked her tongue at Argo, spurring her to a lively trot.

They were quiet for the rest of the ride. Xena didn’t think anything of it until they dismounted to camp for the night and Gabrielle still hadn’t said anything. But she had no desire to reopen the conversation and find out what exactly had gotten Gabrielle’s skirts in a twist. Instead, Xena watched her lay out her bedroll in her usual spot beside the fire. Xena had her own furs balled up in hand, about to spread them on the opposite side of the fire, but she changed her mind. She certainly wasn’t going to try to talk to Gabrielle, but perhaps some other offer of peace would be accepted. Xena laid her bedroll out just above Gabrielle’s, perpendicular to hers, so their heads would be a few feet apart. Gabrielle watched her cautiously.

“What are you doing?”

“Making camp.” Xena didn’t meet her eyes.

“I know that,” Gabrielle said. “But why over here?”

“I wanted to show you something. Lie back.” Xena motioned for Gabrielle to lie down, and did the same on her own roll. They were camping on the top of a hill tonight, and the night sky was vast above them, stars winking cheerfully. “Lyceus and I used to play this game. Pick a cluster of stars and make a shape,” she said. She pointed above them. “See that group of stars there?” She saw Gabrielle’s golden head nod in her peripheral vision. “What do you think they look like?”

Gabrielle considered for a moment. “A man with a tiny head in a belted tunic.” That got a surprised bark of laughter from Xena.

“What? I see a fish!”

A giggle from Gabrielle. “Xena, that’s only because fish are your favourite food and our rations were measly tonight.”

“I never told you fish are my favourite food,” Xena replied. Her heart pattered in her chest. A warning, of some kind.

“No, but you always light up when we eat it. At first I thought maybe you were just excited to eat in taverns but then I noticed you seemed just as thrilled when you had to catch and gut them yourself.”

Xena’s heart began to hammer. She silently wrestled with the sudden panic, confused. Nothing was wrong, her instincts told her they were perfectly safe. She rolled her head to look at Gabrielle, who was still gazing at the sky. She knows me. Xena thought. She’s getting too close. The panic eased, now that she had identified it. She couldn’t remember the last time a comrade had noticed a trivial thing about her. It frightened her, made her wonder what else Gabrielle would learn about her. She cleared her throat before the silence could stretch awkwardly long.

“Okay, what about those?” She pointed randomly to a cluster of stars right above Gabrielle.

“A lion,” she said without hesitation.

“You’re terrible at this game.”

108: Prometheus

“So how long did you stay with Iolaus?” Gabrielle asked. They had stopped in a barn to rest from the midday sun on the journey up the mountain towards Prometheus’ prison. Xena had insisted on a relentless pace to keep ahead of Hercules, but even she had succumbed for a break when she saw the water well and a chance for shade.

“Longer than I’m proud of, Gabrielle,” Xena said quietly. “It was harder than I thought to drive a wedge between them.” She remembered her weeks with Iolaus with a mixture of fondness and guilt. He had been an enthusiastic lover who was eager to please, and though she regretted toying with him and eventually breaking his heart, it was hard to see it all as a bad memory.

“Huh. That’s funny that you picked him. I would have thought Hercules was more your type,” Gabrielle teased. Xena closed her eyes and took a breath.

“He was.”

Gabrielle frowned in confusion for a moment before it hit her. “Both of them? Xena!” She had turned scarlet. Xena herself was feeling a bit hot around the ears, so she turned away and fiddled self-consciously with her bracer. “And that still didn’t drive a wedge between them?”

“It almost did,” Xena replied. “That’s why I had to take myself out of the picture.”

“So do you think that Iolaus is still in love with you?”

“His love turned to hate for a while. I’m not sure how he feels about me now.”

“And what about Hercules?” Gabrielle sauntered up beside her, trying to give her best Xena-esque smirk.

Arms. Chest. Mouth. Xena forced her face into a cool mask and glared at Gabrielle. “What about him?”

“You’re not much for girl talk, are you?”

As Gabrielle had clutched Iolaus’ fading body in the pitch black of the cave, she hadn’t been able to decide what she wanted to happen next. If Iolaus died, it meant Prometheus was still bound. If he lived and the torches burst back to life, it meant that either Xena or Hercules were dead. When his eyes flickered open and the torches flared, Gabrielle held her breath, relieved and terrified all at once. At last, when both Xena and Hercules came around the tunnel into the cave, her happiness was so great she felt dizzy. The four of them had embraced and laughed, swapping stories of the adventure on the walk back down the mountain, where they had said their goodbyes.

Gabrielle couldn’t keep her mouth shut any longer as she strode alongside Argo’s steadily moving form, away from Hercules and Iolaus waving in the distance. “Girl talk or not, I have to say it!” Xena looked down at her from horseback. “Iolaus kissed me.” Gabrielle grinned.

“I’m happy for you,” Xena said in her typical emotionless drawl.

“What, no lecture? No ‘you’re making a mistake, Gabrielle’, no ‘don’t do things without thinking’?” She tried to affect Xena’s deep voice when she imitated her. Xena looked down at her with a raised eyebrow.

“How can I lecture you when I did the same with Hercules?”

Gabrielle smacked Xena’s leg playfully. “No way! See, this is how you do girl talk. I’ll teach you yet. See, now we laugh and tell each other everything. How was it?”

“That, I’m not telling you”

“Okay, fine. I’ll tell you about Iolaus first.”

“You don’t have to tell me about Iolaus,” Xena said. There was laughter in Xena’s voice. “I already know, remember?” That got her another smack on the leg, this time a little less playful.

“Don’t remind me,” Gabrielle said, wrinkling her nose in disgust. “Next time I kiss a boy I’m going to make sure he’s one that’s never met you before.” Xena chuckled and turned Argo onto a narrow forest path. Gabrielle fell in behind them. “Anyway, what about you? What about the next boy you kiss?”

Xena bit her lip to keep from laughing out loud. Gabrielle’s use of the word ‘boy’ had her cracking up for more reason than one. She looked over her shoulder. “That’s the fun part, Gabrielle. The next person I kiss could be anyone. I’m not going to plan it.”

“Do you believe in soulmates?” Gabrielle asked. The change of subject was welcome to Xena. Her romantic past, present, and future were all things she didn’t think Gabrielle needed to know.

“What do you mean?”

“Well I told Iolaus that story. The one about how all humans used to have two heads and four legs until they were split. Now we wander the earth looking for our other half. Do you think that’s true?”

“No.” Xena’s answer came without hesitation.

“You sound sure.”

“It’s a nice story Gabrielle, but it’s just not true. I think we’re all whole people just the way we are.”

“Maybe that’s what you think,” Gabrielle teased. “Maybe one day you’ll turn around and - bam - like Zeus’s lighting striking, you’ll see someone and realize you were only a half until that moment.”

Xena humoured her. “Maybe.”

That night, Gabrielle fell asleep immediately. The long walk up and down the mountain coupled with the emotional rollercoaster of the day had knocked her right out. Xena stayed up, crouched by the fire, mending the broken twine on one of her bracers. Their earlier conversations replayed in her mind, the “girl talk” she had so reluctantly allowed Gabrielle to suck her into.

Gabrielle was clearly giddy over the idea of romance. Xena sighed. She wished she was more fun to be around, but she just couldn’t share the same joy. Even kissing Hercules today, she hadn’t felt anything close to the fire she’d experienced last time. And with Marcus’s death so fresh still, she wasn’t sure she wanted to. She cast her mind back to the cave under the mountain when she had kissed Hercules for what she thought would surely be the last time before ascending to Prometheus. A different image kept intruding.

“Don’t strike the blow.” Gabrielle’s soft, pleading voice had said. She’d looked up into Xena’s eyes and for once Xena had felt her composure falter. Her heart had wrenched when Gabrielle threw her arms around her, and there had been a spot on her waist that tingled where Gabrielle’s hand had rested for a few moments after they pulled apart. Xena hadn’t been able to help herself in the moment, and had cupped Gabrielle’s cheek as gently as she could with her calloused hand.

“Be brave,” was all she had thought to say as Gabrielle’s eyes had welled with tears. Xena had known, without a doubt, that the image of those wide eyes were going to be the last thing she pictured before she died at Prometheus’s feet.

She sighed and stoked the fire, gazing at Gabrielle’s form a few feet away. Her hair was tousled and fell across her face, fluttering as she breathed deeply. Something in Xena’s chest gave a meek tug. She knew she was going to be in trouble.

109: Death In Chains

“Gabrielle, come.” Xena gently eased Gabrielle away from her chest. Wide, tearful eyes looked up at her. She didn’t speak. “We have to go,” Xena said, resting her hands on Gabrielle’s shoulders. The light was fading fast in the king’s audience chamber. With Death freed and Talus gone, there was no reason to stay.

“Please, wait.” A voice interrupted her as she made to wrap an arm around Gabrielle’s shoulders to lead her away. Xena turned to see Queen Karis approaching eagerly. “Stay,” she insisted. “You’ve helped us so much, let us pay you back with shelter for tonight.”

Xena hesitated. Normally she didn’t accept payment or favours for her services, but one look at the swaying Gabrielle made the decision for her. “Thank you. That’s very kind.”

“I’ll take you to our guest quarters. I’ll have some food brought up as well.” Karis gestured them down a stone corridor. Xena put one arm over Gabrielle and firmly steered her after Karis. Gabrielle sniffled. Tears were still sliding down her cheeks. Twice, she looked back at the spot where Talus had vanished, bravely surrendered to his fate.

Karis stopped outside of a heavy wooden door and opened it for them. “Anything you need, please let me know.” Xena nodded her thanks and ushered Gabrielle into the room. It was spacious and boasted a large bed, a writing desk, and had two chairs clustered around the hearth. The thick rug and bedclothes were blue, and the pink sunset outside the window cast long shadows on the floor. Xena led Gabrielle to one of the chairs by the hearth and squatted to get the fire going. Once done, she turned and knelt in front of Gabrielle.

“Gabrielle,” she said softly. Gabrielle slowly raised her eyes to meet Xena’s.

“It’s not fair,” she whispered.

“I know,” Xena said. “Talus was very brave.”

“I think I was falling in love with him,” she choked out.

“I know,” Xena said again. Just then, there was a knock at the door. Xena rose and strode to it, heaving it open to find a serving boy balancing a tray of food and a carafe of wine. She relieved him of his burden, thanked him, and shut the door. She brought the tray back to Gabrielle by the fire and set it down on the low table between the chairs. Gabrielle sat unmoving, staring into the flames. “Gabrielle, you need to eat something,” Xena said, as she lowered herself into the other chair.

Gabrielle turned to face her slowly. “I’m not hungry.” She wasn’t crying anymore, Xena noted. But she looked… haunted. Xena opened her mouth to argue, to say she needed to keep her strength up, to say that grief does funny things to the body and she still needs to eat, but thought better of it. Instead of bringing cool logic, she let her face soften.

“Gabrielle, please.” She held a piece of buttered bread out to her, eyes earnest. Slowly, Gabrielle reached out and took it. She nibbled a corner and returned to staring into the flames. “Thank you,” Xena breathed softly. She took the carafe and poured them each a cup of wine. She wished she had sleeping herbs to sprinkle into Gabrielle’s, something that would put her out so that she could sleep through her pain, but her supplies weren’t here, since they hadn’t planned on staying the night. Hopefully the wine would soothe her somewhat.

Xena kept one eye on Gabrielle as she tucked into her plate of roast lamb. The food was incredible, far beyond what they could cook over a campfire or order from a tavern. She wanted to comment on it, to joke that they should stay in castles more often, but Gabrielle seemed a universe away. She was eating slowly, looking down at her hands. For the first time, Xena wished she had a bard’s gift of words. But it didn’t seem like there was anything she could say to ease the death of a friend. Lucky for her, Gabrielle spoke first.

“What if he was the other half of my soul?” she whispered. Xena bit the inside of her cheek.

“Then… you’ll find each other again,” she offered. They had talked about soulmates so recently, but Xena didn’t think that reiterating her disbelief in them would be particularly helpful right now. “Come on now, you need to get some sleep.Things will feel better in the morning.”

The room was swathed in darkness, the soft glow of the fire the only light in the room. Xena pulled Gabrielle out of her chair and led her to the bed. Gabrielle appeared to have retreated inside herself again, and her eyes were unfocused. Xena sat her down and knelt to remove Gabrielle’s boots. She eased them off and helped her climb under the covers. With an exhausted sigh, Gabrielle closed her eyes.

Xena watched her for several moments until her steady breathing filled the chamber. She stepped away and began removing her armour and tidying up the food tray. Gabrielle had barely eaten anything. Xena finished off the last of the wine and stood gazing out the window. She wondered if she should send Gabrielle home. Perhaps this life on the road was too dangerous, involved too much death. She resolved to ask her about it tomorrow. For now, they should take advantage of Karis’s hospitality and get some rest. One last glance at Gabrielle’s motionless form, and she slid herself into the other side of the bed.

The bright morning sunlight woke her up, many hours later. Xena blinked slowly. She couldn’t remember the last time she had slept past dawn. She supposed it was the perks of sleeping in a cozy and well guarded castle, she could actually relax and sleep deeply, let her constantly wandering senses take a break from scouting for danger. She took a deep breath, and only then did she realize with a jolt that she was restrained.

Gabrielle clung to her back like a burr, one arm thrown over her waist, one leg over her hip, nose nestled between her shoulder blades. Xena froze, hearing the soft snores that told her Gabrielle was still fast asleep. Good. She thought. Gabrielle was bound to be exhausted from the physical and emotional tolls of yesterday. She must have rolled in her sleep, and in her haze of grief, seized whatever she found for comfort. She would certainly be embarrassed if she woke up like this, so Xena decided it was best to extricate herself before waking her. She made to move away, and Gabrielle’s arm tightened around her with a muffled snore.

Oh, gods. She was so soft, and so warm, her breath tickling Xena’s spine. Gabrielle’s thigh was a pleasant weight holding her into the soft mattress, and her hand rested gently on her belly. She was about to give escape another try when she heard footsteps outside the door. She immediately heaved Gabrielle off of her and leapt from the bed, dashing to the door and wrenching it open.

The same serving boy stood there, this time with a tray of breakfast and a steaming pot of tea. Her tense muscles relaxed, and she took the tray with a word of thanks. Turning back into the room, she saw Gabrielle’s tousled head appear from the bedclothes.

“What happened?” She was so dazed with sleep that she did not seem entirely aware of where she was. Xena breathed a sigh of relief. The jolt of her dashing from the bed must have woken Gabrielle up, but she hadn’t noticed their compromising position.

“Just breakfast,” Xena said softly, pouring the tea. “You up for some?”

Gabrielle paused, rubbing her eyes. Then, finally, “Yeah.”

110: Hooves and Harlots

As the weeks went by, Gabrielle felt the pain of Talus’s death lessen slightly. Xena had asked her the next morning if she wanted to go home, and she’d been hurt by the assumption.

“No!” she’d insisted. “This is the life I want to live!”

“But this life also involves death, Gabrielle. You’re going to see it. Maybe a lot.”

“Then the important thing is that we work together to stop it.”

And from that conversation on, she’d gained back some of her sense of self. Talus had been sick and suffering, and she’d felt awful to bond with him only for him to leave her. The hurt and anger that simmered under her grief slowly dissolved. She’d made peace with it.

And then Terreis died. Gabrielle had felt the same roaring black hole rise up around her again, ready to swallow her. But this time something was different. She’d gotten to attend Terreis’s funeral, to watch her sisters honour her with food and dance and fire. She’d been told stories about her and grieved with the tribe. Even the simple act of sharing the sadness helped to alleviate it.

And now she was Amazon royalty. The thought made her head spin. As they walked towards the sunset, leaving the Amazon and centaur lands behind them, Gabrielle looked down at her new fighting staff and her clothes, gifted to her from Terreis’s belongings. It felt strange, but it also somehow felt right. She gave her staff an experimental twirl.

“Xena, did you see me hit those guys?”

“Sure did.”

“I bet you feel lots better having an Amazon like me watching your back, huh?”

Xena snorted. “Of course.”

“Will you spar with me?” Gabrielle jogged to catch up to Xena’s longer stride. Xena looked down at her.

“No.”

“Come on,” Gabrielle begged. “I need training, I want to learn how to fight!”

“You don’t need to learn how to fight, I’ll do the fighting.”

“I fought today! I could help so much more!” Gabrielle swung around in front of her and pointed her staff at Xena with a grin. “Come on, warrior princess. You want a piece of me?”

Xena observed her for a moment and then, lightning quick, before Gabrielle could even see what was happening, she seized the tip of the staff and jerked it towards Gabrielle, bonking her in the forehead. That damnable left eyebrow mocked her.

“Ow. Okay. Maybe I don’t need to fight. But can you at least teach me some defensive moves? Just in case a guy slips past you?”

“All right,” Xena finally relented. Gabrielle bounced happily back into step with her. “A few defensive moves but that is it.”

“Again,” Xena’s stern voice rang across the clearing. They’d been travelling away from Corinth and towards Argos for three days. Gabrielle had insisted on staff lessons daily, but now that it was the fourth morning, her arms were starting to hurt. She stood up again, dusting grass off her Amazon skirt. Staff lessons were what she demanded, but she often felt like all she was getting were fall-on-her-ass lessons.

“Okay, ready,” Gabrielle said, shaking her sweaty hair out of her eyes and settling into the defensive stance Xena had shown her.

Xena rushed at her, unarmed but still terrifying. Gabrielle watched a right hand come towards her and - thwack! - blocked it with her staff. Then the left one came and grabbed the end of the staff, moving to wrench it away from her. Gabrielle planted her feet and redoubled her grip before shoving the staff horizontally towards Xena. It hit her chin and she backed up a step. She quickly crouched and swept the staff at Xena’s ankles, toppling her to the soft grass. Gabrielle let out a squeal of delight.

“I got you! Bow before Princess Gabrielle, warlord scum!” She pointed her staff threateningly at Xena, who had propped herself up on her elbows with a playful glint in her eye.

“Not a chance,” she drawled, and suddenly grabbed the staff and tugged. Gabrielle fell forward onto her knees over Xena’s legs and Xena pulled the staff from her grip, seizing Gabrielle and rolling so that she was straddling Gabrielle’s stomach, staff pressed horizontally to her throat. Gabrielle looked up at those glinting eyes and that wicked teasing smile and felt heat rush to her face that had nothing to do with the workout. She felt a thrill as she looked into Xena’s burning eyes, her leathers slick with sweat and her chest rising and falling with the effort of her acrobatics. The moment suspended itself between them.

“Alright fine, you win! Get off, you big oaf!” She wriggled uselessly under Xena and Xena flopped off of her so they were lying side by side, looking up at the wispy clouds. Xena held the staff out above them and twirled it lazily as they caught their breath. Gabrielle made a grab for it, but Xena swished it out of her reach.

“Too slow,” she teased. Gabrielle reached again and Xena again whisked it away from her hands. She chuckled at the game. Gabrielle bit her lip. If Xena was going to mess with her, she’d mess right back. She jabbed a finger in Xena’s armpit and when Xena yelped and clapped her arm down, Gabrielle snatched the staff and jumped to her feet. Xena looked up at her, not in shock or defeat, but in something else. Pleasant surprise, maybe. “There aren’t many people who would try that with me,” she said, impressed. “Too afraid of an elbow in the face. These warrior reflexes are dangerous, you know”

Gabrielle laughed and leaned on her staff. “No way,” she said with a smile. “I trust you.”

Something flickered in Xena’s eyes at that, a halting concern, or a twinge of wariness. Gabrielle chuckled and flung herself back down on the ground next to her, sensing the complete change in mood. Xena immediately put her hands behind her head and closed her eyes in her false attempt at nonchalance that Gabrielle was learning to notice.

“You know Xena, it’s okay to let people in.” Gabrielle said. She tried to keep her tone light but not mocking. Xena opened one eye and observed her before shutting it again. Gabrielle wanted to put a hand on her arm but held back. Too much intimacy would send Xena further back behind her walls.

“People close to me tend to die.” Xena said softly.

“People seem to die no matter what.” Gabrielle replied. Xena opened her eyes again. Gabrielle gestured to the beautiful space around them as she spoke. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from you it’s that life is precious and temporary. We need to use the time we have to be with others in ways that feel important. I don’t regret knowing Talus or Terreis, even though they’re both gone now. Knowing others is worth it.” She looked intently at Xena, who looked back, eyes hard and soft all at once.

“Is it?”